Feb 21, 2022 | Uncategorized
Humans suffer from clannish thinking. There is a strong tendency to “Us v Them.” We see it in children as they gang up together and among teenagers with the “in-crowd” and the not. When we see it among children, we exhort them to be better than this. Yet it washes into our adult lives. We have sports clubs to which we are fanatically loyal, divide ourselves into mid-westerners and others, and on and on. Worse, we look down on these “others”. Perhaps not with the terrible manners of childhood; but, still it lurks inside and seeps out in our words and actions.
Personally, I wrestle this demon every time I see a person on the street begging for change. My mind says, “If that person were more like me, s/he would not need to be there with that sign…” Not a speck of mercy in me, is there? I do give money away to them and I (sometimes) take the time to ask if our church can meet their need in a more profound way than the loose change in my vehicle. That, however, is not addressing my heart problem. I know because I can still hear my inner voice muttering: if you just made better choices (like me), you wouldn’t be in that position.
Not surprisingly, this is the very attitude that turns away so many from the faith. The most common reason non-believers to whom I have spoken give for not believing? The judgment and hypocrisy of believers. “Be like Christ” they were told — then received behavior that was anything but Christ-like.
Non-believers, surprisingly, have no quibble with the teachings of Jesus. Patience? Kindness? Mercy? Equality? Gentleness? Self-control? Yep. Yep. Yep. They would agree that we should be all these things – in spades. They just don’t find it among the faithful, and so they have turned away from the practice of our faith. They don’t want to be more like us because they find us to not be like Jesus.
The attitude of “they should be more like me/us” is hubris, pride, arrogance. It implies that I have a higher moral ground from which to judge them. Scripture is clear that God reserves judgment for himself. My judging them for their behavior and choices that I don’t agree with? Sin. Unadulterated and unabashed sin. It is this very judgment that the non-believers sense, and from which they run.
So when this thought rises up: if they were just more like us/me, I have to question it. Would I really want them to be more like me? You see, I know me. I know the unkind thoughts that I have and the way my judgmental attitude surfaces. Mind, I also know I can be kind and merciful and joyful. My point is not that I am totally sin-filled. My point is that I AM sinful. I have zero holier ground on which to stand!
I think it is right and good that we lament in prayer over the world and the sorry state in which it finds itself. Old Testament prophets are renowned for just such lamentation. But let us not tack on – either out loud or in our minds – “God make those lost and worldly people more like us.” For you and I, when we do this, are doing two sinful things: holier-than-thou judgement and attempting to usurp a roll God has reserved for himself.
God is a jealous God – He will not share His glory with any. God alone saves. God alone judges.
I have two jobs (only two): point people to Jesus, love like Jesus loved. Neither of those jobs allow room for my human clannishness (we are better than them) or judgment (they should be more like us).
We are all beggars at the foot of God’s throne. Isn’t it good that God’s mercy knows no end?
Feb 15, 2022 | Uncategorized
Lauren sits down and places her drink in front of her, her bright smile reaching all the way to her eyes. Her bubbly personality is evident as she speaks. Lauren shares that her parents divorced when she was three, but she lived primarily with her mom while growing up. She had a happy childhood despite always struggling with fear. However, Lauren’s health struggles began in fifth grade with scabs that covered her body and locked joints.
“Nobody could figure out what it was. Our primary care doctor pulled out a big textbook trying to figure it out. It was a whole year before they sent me to a specialist at Children’s Mercy and figured out something was wrong with my kidney.”
Lauren was diagnosed with Henoch-Schonlein purpura, or HSP. The doctors treated her and sent her on her way.
Lauren gave her life to Christ in seventh grade when she was at Summerfest with Pleasant Valley’s student ministry.
“No one else in my family is a Christian. I went to Summerfest in 7th grade at the invitation of a friend. It just sounded like a fun time to get away, and I had no plans of anything but ended up accepting Christ and got baptized at Summerfest that year.”
Throughout middle school, Lauren relied on friends and their parents to pick her up and take her to church, and she continued to grow in her relationship with the Lord.
Lauren headed to Missouri State University to pursue a degree in education after graduating from high school. It was during her freshman year of college that her world turned upside-down.
“ I would sleep constantly. Wake up for 8 am class, come home, sleep, go to lunch, go to class, sleep. I thought college was hard, and I was tired from college stuff.”
It seemed Lauren’s lifestyle could’ve been contributing to her exhaustion as well.
“I didn’t have any friends and didn’t know anyone. The people on my floor were going out, and I was trying to make friends, so I tried to do it too. Those first few months of my freshman year I was making some not-so-great decisions.”
Then one morning, Lauren woke up and half of her face was paralyzed.
“I thought I was having a stroke and headed to urgent care. I remember them saying, ‘It looks like you have Bell’s palsy, and it’s going to be like this for two months.’ Here I am trying to meet people and half of my face is drooping.”
The doctors ran a series of tests trying to figure out what was causing the Bell’s palsy. It wasn’t long before Lauren received a call that caught her completely off guard.
“They said we have no clue why you have Bell’s palsy but your kidney is only working at 20%. I was walking to class and answered the phone, and I held it together on the phone then hung up and lost it. I fell to the ground just sobbing. I was healthy and a freshman in college, and it felt like the whole world had collapsed around me.”
While Lauren thought she’d be able to fix this problem quickly, after just a few doctor’s appointments, it was evident that her kidneys weren’t just going to be fixed. She was told she would need a kidney transplant. With that, she made the decision to move back to Kansas City to be near to her family while she awaited her transplant.
“That was hard when you go away to college, you have hopes and dreams of what it will look like. So for that to be dashed was really hard. I was mad to be back in Kansas City.”
Most of Lauren’s friends were off at school, and Lauren wasn’t sure where she’d find community, but that’s when she started attending PV’s newest ministry – PV College, now known as PV Twentysomethings.
“PV had been a safe place for me so long, it just seemed like a comfortable place to go as I was walking through all of the unknowns of a transplant.”
Not only did Lauren find community with this group, but prayer warriors and support as she awaited her transplant.
“Community was vital during that time because it was scary, and I did not have that faith at home. People were constantly praying for me. I knew these were people who were covering me in prayer, supporting my family, and they genuinely cared.”
On top of everything, the fear that Lauren had struggled with her entire life was nowhere to be seen now.
“I could’ve let fear run my life, because I have had a tendency in the past to do that. But I felt more peace throughout this whole thing than ever before. I was never worried, never concerned. I felt confident that the Lord was in control, and it was going to work out how the Lord planned. I was terrified at the moment of getting the phone call, but not long after I felt an overwhelming sense of peace surrounding the whole situation.”
Lauren spent a lot of time praying, even when she didn’t know what to pray, but more often she was offering prayers of thankfulness and gratitude.
“I didn’t feel like I needed Him to fix and do. He just did so much throughout without me even [requesting it] that I was so thankful. This was the first time I really prayed with a heart of thankfulness and gratitude.”
Lauren’s mom’s kidney was a match, and when Lauren’s kidneys were hardly functioning, she underwent surgery to receive her transplant. Her community surrounded her and her mom after their operations.
“I just saw the hands and feet of God by the people around me and how willing people were to come alongside me and walk with me. People set up a meal train and brought food to us. My mom is a single mom, and she had surgery too. Afterwards I grew so close to people and knew these were people I could count on – they were so willing to surround me.”
After Lauren’s transplant, she felt like a million bucks. Symptoms she had unknowingly been dealing with for her entire life disappeared completely.
“He worked out all of these events to be a beautiful part of His plan. My kidney failing was for the best because I was not going down the right path in college. I don’t know if I would have continued down a good path had I stayed there. I’ve been able to use my story to show the power of God. [I’ve been able to share] how anxiety ran my life and in the moment it would’ve been easy let it still. I can talk to people about the trials of life and coming out on the other side. In the moment it wasn’t fun, but it happened and being able to use that to share Jesus with people has been super cool.”
The peace God gave to Lauren throughout her illness and awaiting the transplant has remained, and Lauren doesn’t struggle with the same fear she did while growing up. Lauren has shared her story on a stage, has led a community group, and served on leadership for PV Twentysomethings.
“I realize that the Lord gave me this story, and I am capable of doing these things. Not of my own power, but through Him I can do things that are scary. I used to let fear get in the way because I didn’t grow up in the church and felt like I didn’t know much. I felt like a hot mess and shouldn’t be leading community groups. But I can do hard things. And despite fear that may still try to creep in, Jesus is my peace.”
Feb 8, 2022 | Uncategorized
Anyone who knows Leslie Shafer would speak of her bubbly and joyful personality, her calm and welcoming presence, and her gift of cooking. Many families at Pleasant Valley have been blessed by Leslie’s kitchen masterpieces over the years. But, there was once a time, not so long ago, that she wasn’t the Leslie all of her friends and family knew and loved.
“Sweet and bubbly Leslie, that’s me – and that’s the me I had to find again.”
Leslie nods her head, a soft smile filling her face and reaching her eyes. Her coffee cup is filled to the brim with whipped cream and a caramel drizzle on top, and she takes a sip before sharing how she met Jesus and the transformation that has come later in life.
Growing up, Leslie’s family didn’t attend church very often, and it was through the invitation of friends to go to church camp that she first met Jesus when she was a young teenager. However, it wasn’t until she was in her late twenties when she started attending Pleasant Valley that she began understanding who God is and that a relationship with Him isn’t just “fire insurance.”
While much of the transformation has been progressive over the last two decades, the biggest turning point came for Leslie about three years ago.
“It has been in the last three years that I really feel completely alive in Christ. I wasn’t letting myself completely enjoy all that God had for me. There were times I didn’t want to be at church. I was such a negative thing at times.”
You see, it was about three years ago when Leslie finally reached the end of her rope and began seeking help for life-long struggles she’d faced.
“Leading up to three years ago, I felt like I was barely surviving. I was having nightmares. I’ve always had them, but they were very intense so I really wouldn’t get any rest; I would wake up in a panic. I’d go to bed at night and my head would pound and I could hear it pounding in my ears from anxiety. I didn’t want to fall asleep because I didn’t know what kind of nightmare I would have. I had constant pressure in my head- it felt like someone was squeezing my head all the time. My thought process was mostly negative. People had no idea because I could hide it very well. I was genuinely not taking care of myself. I wasn’t putting myself first ever. I wasn’t taking time alone and not saying ‘no’ when people would ask me to do things for them. I’m a pleaser and needed affirmation from people, so if I kept saying ‘yes’, then I would keep getting affirmation. Some things had been 25 years in the making.”
Leslie had postpartum depression after each of her babies and has struggled with anxiety for her entire life, but had always managed to pull through. This final breaking point came mainly from two things in her past: decisions her dad had made and decisions she had made.
“I hit the bottom and finally sought out counseling and went to the doctor for medication to help deal with anxiety and depression that had been building up for 25 years. It was terrifying. I knew I had to do it or I didn’t know what was going to happen with me or my family at that point because I was a mess.”
Leslie wasn’t sure where to turn for counseling but saw a Facebook page suggestion for an acquaintance of hers who had opened her own counseling practice.
“Her Facebook page just popped up and I was like, ‘Ok, I’ll call.’ It was terrifying. My heart was pounding. I went several days saying, ‘Ok, today I’m going to call her… no I’m not.’ I definitely have issues with control and felt if I let someone into my story, I wouldn’t get to control it any more. And if I let God into my story, I certainly wouldn’t be able to control it anymore. I put it off for several days and then I left a message when I called. I can’t even imagine how I sounded, but it was such a relief when I hung that phone up. I finally did it. I’m committed now to seeking out the help I know I desperately needed to live out the life God has for me. I couldn’t do it through the muck. When it rang and it was her calling me back. I thought, ‘I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry.’ But I did.”
Leslie credits much of her ability to admit she needed help to the transparency and vulnerability of pastors on staff at PV. She recalls many times when Pastor Merle would say, “Asking for help is not a weakness.” Eventually those words became truth in her spirit, giving her the strength to ask for help despite the deep fear welling inside of her.
“I’d never gone to any kind of therapy. I knew if I didn’t, I was going to drown for sure. My heart would pound all the way to therapy and all the way home. I was just so run down, but that’s good because I got so run down that I couldn’t run anymore from the things I was trying to run from and sweep it under the rug.”
Leslie’s healing was spiritual, physical, and mental and came from different forms of therapy, including a form of psychotherapy called EMDR. She also found a Christian physician who helped her find medication that helped immensely.
“God putting all of the things into place helped me feel safe. It felt like He was saying, ‘I’ve got you. I just need you to take the steps.’ Because of the gifts God gave my therapist, she was able to help my brain reprogram thoughts. But also on the spiritual side, remembering my worth and what I’ve gone through is enough. I’m really hard on myself. I had this, ‘But I deserve to suffer more, don’t I?’ mindset. One day, my therapist looked at me and said, ‘Leslie, haven’t you suffered enough?’”
After Leslie began therapy, she didn’t experience one big healing moment, but gradually she began to accept the past and allow God to be in control of that.
“It comes and goes and ebbs and flows. I was very fortunate that the medication worked and worked the first time. I distinctly remember the time I left her office, it had been about a year and I thought, ‘I’m going to make it.’ I didn’t think I could truly change. I didn’t think the way I thought could change. I thought, ‘My heart doesn’t pound every time I go.’ I had a new lease on life, because we had worked through so much. ‘I’m gonna make it.’”
Leslie wrestled with whether to share with others that she was in counseling, taking medication, and working on healing. She felt that if people really knew, they wouldn’t love her.
“I would tell myself I wasn’t worthy of being used by God.”
During Leslie’s healing process, as a congregation, Pleasant Valley spent the year working through the book of Romans.
“When we got to Romans 8:1, it was the most incredible ‘Aha!’ moment of Scripture really grabbing my heart.”
Tears trickle down Leslie’s cheeks, the coffee she’d been sipping on is long gone, but she still holds the cup in her hands. The joy and relief she’s experienced is unmistakable.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1
“It all finally clicked in my head and in my heart that this is God’s truth. Because He made me and I’m His. He wants the best for me, no matter what. In my whole life that was the most real Scripture ever felt. I’d never experienced it that way before this day and that verse. It was the first time that it was the lightning bolt into the sanctuary, ‘Leslie Shafer this is for you, I’m telling this just for you.’ That’s what started rolling in my mind instead of, ‘You’re not quite good enough.’ This is the one I will go back to. There are times when those negative thoughts start to roll again. The biggest issue was me condemning myself and keeping God at arms length because I felt like I don’t deserve all that He has for me. And then look at all the blessings in my life. My biggest issue was me keeping me from letting the Lord all the way in. Every time the opportunity comes up to share this verse with anyone, I do.”
Leslie has continued on her road of healing and transformation. She delights in getting to share her story and share that she’s in counseling when the Lord prompts her to. She sees herself and Jesus differently than she ever has before.
“Jesus is my Savior, and that’s in so many more ways than one. My Eternal Savior of my soul but also the Savior of my quality of life here on earth. If I didn’t have that assurance that He loves me, Leslie, of all people, then I don’t know where I would be. Jesus is my Savior.”
Feb 7, 2022 | Uncategorized
I think most of us don’t actually take God’s word to us to heart – myself included. I mean, if I really thought God had made me fully competent to share the Gospel, don’t you think I would step out and share my faith more? If I really knew the breadth and depth of the love God has for me, don’t you think I would be bold, audacious, courageous and radically love others (even the difficult to love people…like, um, me…)? I think I ought to be like that. When I read the completeness and craziness of the promises of God to us, I wonder that I am not more often outside my comfort zone doing completely crazy things…like sharing the love of Jesus.
But you see, I have doubts. I wonder if God is real – or if my faith is just a sham. When that doubt has receded like the tide, others rise up. I wonder if I am going to be rejected if I share my faith. I wonder if I am not knowledgeable enough to hold up in a discussion about faith. I wonder if I am just not good enough in general for God to move thru me. I mean, after all, I haven’t seen God’s power moving recently – maybe He has forgotten me.
Oh yes, I have doubts. Satan hardly has to accuse me because I am so very good at accusing myself of flaws and failures – I simply don’t “measure up”. It can cause anxiety, or even depression.
And yet scripture does not waiver on these points: God dwells with me – God will do through me what I cannot do in my own strength. He is strong in my weakness. God is changing me to be all that He wants me to be. God knows me through and through and loves me deeply anyway. There is nothing that will happen to my money, reputation, health, or relationships that can take away my eternal position vis-à-vis God: I. Am. His. Beloved.
My head knows these things. I can spout the correct Sunday school responses when asked. It is somewhere deeper and older that seems to quake with all these fears and doubts. I must remind myself regularly that the uncomfortable place called “outside my comfort zone” is the only place where I really must lean on God. Further, it is the only place where others can witness my trust in God. Inside my comfort zone, nothing supernatural is required.
I must steep myself in the truth of scripture (because I so often forget it). For God to have all the glory, I must step outside my comfort zone. To do that – to step outside where I no longer control or manage the outcome – I have to hold on to this truth: God is.
- God is alive in me. Not a dead god – but a living savior.
- God is powerful enough to make me competent – or cover over where I am not.
- God is making me new so that I will show God’s glory to the world, not my ragged self.
- God is love – I can be confident, have hope, and be bold because I am loved. Yes, loved. God knows all my doubts, anxieties, problems, self-loathing, and overweening pride. And still He loves me!
This is our anchor in the storm, the bedrock on which we stand, our hope that surpasses all doubts, the power on which we draw, and the very reason we can boldly witness: God is.
Jan 31, 2022 | Uncategorized
“The Lord is…slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love,” wrote the psalmist. Again and again, God’s people confessed the truth of God’s patience. Sometimes they rejoiced because God did not destroy His people in their sin. Sometimes they lamented “How long, O Lord” when God allowed conquers to come, tolerated evil kings, and seemed unresponsive. That same divine patience is a mystery for us today.
What leads God to wait? Human wisdom prompts us to make the best decisions, to choose the best pathways in order to reach our goals. (True, we are not always wise, other factors get in our way.) Perhaps it is God’s wisdom that couples with His mercy and grace and steadfast love that prompts God to wait until the right time to act. Can that understanding help us affirm and praise God’s wisdom as He propels human history? After all, when we confess that God is sovereign, we are saying God is able to do what is good and right. When we speak of His providence, we are affirming God will act in all things to accomplish His purposes. Again, comes the ancient confession: The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” Biblical history, perhaps your history and mine teach us that sometimes God waits to speak or to act. And often when God acts His work differs from the speedy, right now we expected. Is He too wise to act the way we want?
Jesus recognized our struggle with God’s patience when He told a parable to show His followers that at all times we ought to pray and not to lose heart (Luke 18:1-8). In that parable, a widow persisted in seeking justice from an unjust judge. In time the judge granted her petition. Jesus’ lesson was that God, being infinitely and eternally just, would in His time and way bring about justice.
In millennia past God worked and waited until the fulness of time had come, then the Savior came. In centuries past and perhaps through future centuries, God hears the martyrs cry for justice (Rev. 6:9-11). It is no wonder, then, that we struggle to deal with what God allows and what God does. Human history is filled with horrors and with great, positive steps forward. Our lives are filled with ups and downs, many of them beyond our control or understanding. And so we pray.
Perhaps we want to understand what God is doing and why. Perhaps we yearn and pray for God to act in our nation, our church, our lives. We prayerfully remind God of His promises to hear and to act—and we mean soon! We try to improve our walk with the Lord as a way of influencing God to act. In the face of God’s patience, we sometimes choose other strategies to reach our goals or dreams. And sometimes we stop praying about this or that matter or person or situation. Does God lose “prayer warriors” in that way?
The speed of life to say nothing of the confusing and trying times in which we live push us to demand change. Things need to improve, and quickly. As Christians we know God is involved, but where, when, how? Impatience with ourselves, with others, and with circumstances can “leak over” into impatience with God. God’s thousand-years, thousand days perspective does not fit our view of what ought to be. But Peter, a long time ago, taught “the Lord is not slow about His promises, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you” (2 Peter 3:9).
Today, we can and should lament the sin and suffering around us. And we can and should celebrate every evidence that God cares and loves. And if wait we must, we will remember God is patient and we are His.
Jan 24, 2022 | Uncategorized
I always think this is the unloved month in our annual cycle. It has no holiday in it, no pending weather change (except perhaps more or less snow and cold), and we face it while taking down the fullness of December.
In a culture that is permanently seeking betterment, we face pressure to make new year resolutions and set goals and…well, move on, people. New year, new you. You know the pressure. Slogans everywhere are designed to motivate us.
The problem? The old me is still dragging itself into the new year. Maybe it is debt that I drag with me. Or grief. Or addictions. Or other, less publicly acceptable sorrows and regrets. These things are not swiped away by a slogan or motivational goal. In fact, they can be compounded by the post-season depression and the isolation that comes with cold and bad roads.
I spent the last week caring full time for my 2 yr old grandson while his Mom and Dad welcomed a new baby brother at the hospital. I renewed my respect for young moms and dads and for single parents. There is nothing quite like a bored and cranky child stuck inside! Unless, of course, it is a harried and exhausted adult stuck inside with them….
While a child can be distracted and given a new focus with some creativity from the adult, adults on the other hand, are much harder to refocus on something productive. Yet that is exactly what we must do for ourselves in this month. We must parent ourselves a smidge here.
If we find we are dragging around our old self and its problems, there is really only one place we can go to find balm: the foot of God’s throne. It is also the one place that Satan would prefer we not go.
I would say find a way to open your bible and make time for prayer. Not as a goal or a self-help remedy, but just as a way to bring yourself back to the one place where you are loved, accepted and provided for. God will show up – you and I need only make space in our lives to listen. I would also say push yourself to show up among other believers. When it is cold and dark, and fears of illness rise up in us, we shy away from connecting with others. Parent yourself into making the effort. We are exhorted by God to not forgo this gathering together for a reason. Our burdens are made lighter when we share them with others. Isolation is fertile ground for Satan’s whispers.
Finally, remind yourself that you can trust God. God is not surprised by the stuff we are still dragging with us into the new year. He isn’t condemning us for not being more improved or holding a celestial yardstick up to say “nope, soul still too small.” God now and always leads with mercy and love. Remember he came as a babe and lived as a man just so that we could know he understands all that we carry. In this month, choose to lean in: into God and into His people. The fullness of December may be behind us, but the fullness of God is always with us.
